5000 Mile Self Discovery Journey Helps a Child of Abusive Parents

Jun 4, 2011
Jerry Lopper

Impact of Abusive Parents - Colin Brough

Author Eric Best provides an interesting narrative on the rigors of solo sailing, while exemplifying problems faced by adult children of abusive parents.

Parental influence is very powerful, even as we advance into adulthood. The adult children of abusive parents carry a difficult burden into their own adulthood, often having problems in relationships, self-esteem and trust, according to a Kansas State University counseling article by Sheryl A. Benton, Ph.D. and Dorinda J. Lambert, Ph.D.

Journalist and author, Eric Best provides an example of the long-term affect of abusive parents in his book, Into My Father's Wake (2010). Well into adulthood and with a failing marriage, Best takes a leave of absence from his job, purchases a 47 foot sailboat, Feo, and begins a solitary journey from San Francisco to Hawaii, hoping to come to terms with his love-hate relationship with his father.

Sailing solo on the fifty-day, five-thousand mile course to Hawaii and return, Best recalls occasions of sailing with his father, tracing his love of the ocean and sailing skills to his father's instruction and companionship. Interspersed with these pleasant memories are those of brutal, rubber hose beatings at the hand of his father. Adding to his conflict, Best's mother silently supported her husband's actions, leaving Best feeling abandoned in addition to being beaten.

Adult Children of Abusive Parents

Best's conflicting love-hate relationship with his parents is an example of the struggles of adult children of abusive parents. According to Carl E. Pickhardt, Ph.D. in "Adolescence and the Influence of Parents" (Psychology Today Online), from childhood to adolescence, children idealize and worship their parents. These are the years when a child sees no wrong in parents.

An abused child's natural hero-worship of parents and expectations of loving care is confused by parental abuse, leaving the child to assume he or she is the cause of the parents actions, and leading to the problems in the child's adulthood referred to earlier.

A Journey of Self-discovery

While following Best's struggle to come to grips with his childhood, the reader of Into My Father's Wake is treated to an interesting recounting of the dangers and beauty of the sea. Best provides excellent imagery of the ocean, waves, wind, clouds, and his temporary companions—porpoises and ocean birds—clearly conveying the beauty and powerful forces of nature.

Despite many years of sailing experience—including excellent instruction from his father—Best is unprepared for the rigors and demands of a solo trip. That he lacks the skills for solo handling and navigation under wind power alone becomes evident when his engine fails, leaving him to survive by celestial navigation alone. He obviously survives to document his journey, drawing on the human resilience and resourcefulness that exists in each of us.

Interspersed throughout the narration of his arduous journey are his reflections and memories of childhood experiences which have shaped him in adulthood. We see him come to terms with his father's own life-journey and demons as Best comes to accept and appreciate his father's love while forgiving the brutality which often surfaced after bouts of drinking. Though he reconciles his conflicting emotions somewhat, the reader is left wondering if the reconciliation is complete or if more work is required.

Readers without the knowledge and lingo of oceanic sailing may find it difficult to fully appreciate Best's struggles with celestial navigation, sleep deprivation, threats from huge passing freighters, and solo-sailing his boat, Feo, through heavy seas, storms, and calm. Though a sailing terminology glossary is appended, repeatedly flipping to the glossary to understand why he's wondering if it's time to reef, using a Loran, or how Feo reacts to various wave patterns undermines continuity for the non-sailor.

Conflicting Emotions of Abused Children

The conflict in adult children of abusive parents, Pickhardt explains, results when the child's natural tendency to worship and imitate parents is offset by the fear instilled by damaging, dangerous parental behavior. Best's experiences provide clear examples of the internal conflict of the adult child and the extent to which a person will go to reconcile the conflict.

Despite the disturbing underlying theme and a heavy dose of sailing terminology, Into My Father's Wake tells a compelling story of a man's arduous and adventurous journey of self-discovery.