If you've ever been through tough times and wondered why it happened to you, you might have been comforted by Rabbi Harold Kushner's When Bad Things Happen to Good People (First Anchor Books, 1981). Dr. Rob Pennington's Find the Upside of the Down Times: How to Turn your Worst Experiences into your Best Opportunities! (Resource International, 2011) is a perfect complement to Kushner.
Kushner helps questioners who are suffering through tragic events that seem patently unfair to those who have done their best to live good lives. Where Kushner does an excellent job of helping people deal with the "How could this happen to me?" question, Pennington ignores that aspect and focuses instead on how to make the most of the cards you are dealt. He doesn't minimize the impact of negative events, but chooses to focus instead on how to move forward in spite of them.
A Positive Attitude Strategy
The tone of Find the Upside of the Down Times is clear from Pennington's opening sentence of chapter 1: "I was shot in the center of the chest by an unknown assailant...It was one of the best things that ever happened to me." Is this man insane? How can being shot be a good thing?
Pennington's theme can best be summed up this way: Stuff happens to us all. Some of it is terrible, but stop whining and get on with your life. This is not a direct quote, but seems to be his theme as he repeatedly points out that positive opportunities always exist, despite the apparently overwhelming nature of a problem. To find the positive opportunities you must be looking for them, and Pennington provides many suggestions for doing that.
Dr. Rob Pennington
What are Pennington's qualifications for giving such advice? Aside from his PhD in psychology, his personal experiences include: Being shot in the chest; Facing a thirty-six thousand dollar hospital bill without medical insurance; Being divorced by his first wife; Being fired; Being threatened with divorce by his second wife; Becoming the caregiver for his second wife when she becomes incurably ill with MS.
The reader might be inclined to suspect the author suffers from acute Pollyannaish symptoms—being in severe denial of the terrible situations he faced. But Pennington is not suggesting we ignore a tragedy by calling it an opportunity. Instead he suggests that we accept negative events without dwelling on them, then as quickly as possible shift to positive actions in finding and exploiting possible opportunities.
He sums up that philosophy this way: "It is a lot easier to get out of a rut if you look for a way out, than if all you think about is what won't work."
Among the many tidbits of advice for dealing with adversity are tips for:
- Reducing the stress of life's daily frustrations, such as long lines and traffic jams.
- A three-step process for finding a positive possibility in a negative event.
- Looking at stress as an indicator that something needs changing.
- A five-step process for taking proactive action to change a negative circumstance.
- A preference versus requirement process for dealing with relationship issues.
Dealing with the Stress of Bad Things
Find the Upside of the Down Times is not only filled with excellent advice for those facing negative situations, but it's also an interesting recounting of one man's way of dealing with life situations most of us fear but never have to face.
Though it might seem Pollyannaish to focus on opportunities within tragic events, the strategies are fundamentally sound and consistent with advice from positive psychologists' research.
Jerry Lopper - IPPA member, business and engineering degrees. Jerry's passion for personal development shows in 5 books, hundreds of articles & ...
Join the Conversation